Lame Brain

For some reason September just reminds me of school. I picture a little school house next to the word September on the top of calenders. It seems every month has a theme, and September's is School. School starts in August, but I picture a little shovel and pail for the calender's theme. September also makes me think of high school football which makes me think of sweaters, hot chocolate and marching band. But then again, those go along with school. What is it about the word school that inflicts a slow dragging sensation in my brain?
On that note... I hate my brain. I'm sure many of you experience this, but I have become extremely aware of it in the past year. I make plans, and I am really good at organizing things to stay organized and on top of things, but then once it is time to follow through it is so hard. When I actually stay on task and complete my missions a good feeling follows. Unfortunately it is so hard for me to keep my mind following a straight and narrow path. Its really just depressing for me. How can I do anything in life if I can't control myself. Sometimes I'm useless... I'll sit and stare and do nothing. Sometimes I have too many things bouncing around in my head that I can't focus on one thing and it makes me want to crack into little pieces and get crunched down into dust by the shoes of people walking through. I made up a trick in high school that helps me relocate my brain and focus. I started this while taking piano lessons. While practicing there were just too many other things that wanted to occupy my thoughts, so I would close my eyes and imagine my mind as a chalk board. There are all kinds of things written on it (different thoughts) of all different subjects. I would picture myself completely erasing everything on the board and writing the word piano in the center of it. This actually helped me clear my mind, and I used this during high school, but I forgot about it until just now. I noticed that I am more productive when the task is for someone else. If Luke or Danni were hungry I would peruse the kitchen for some food and make a meal. If I'm by myself and hungry I will just sit there and try not to think about it until I'm in pain, because I don't feel like getting up or stopping what I'm doing. I read that not taking care of yourself is a part of ADD, but who knows whats wrong with me. I'm going to stop talking about this now. It makes me feel kind of miserable.
I don't know if any of this makes sense and I don't feel like rereading it.